my pandemical perspective

March 2020 - I went to the post office most days.  I was careful to disinfect my hands, car door handle and steering wheel in case coronavirus hitched a ride home with me.  I searched in vain for toilet paper.  Ordered a case of 80 rolls from Staples.  Watched the White House task force meetings, …

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making peace with my house

     When Doug and I first moved to this house, it was to care for his mom who was deep in a battle with dementia.  She was combative and angry.  I spent my days trying to keep her safe and myself sane.    I spent my nights listening to her sing and wander thru …

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Jesus in a “to go” cup

August 30, 2020, our little country church, opened it's doors for in person worship.  It was the first time since the advent of coronavirus shut downs.  I was excited and went knowing it would be different. It was different.  And odd, and a little uncomfortable.  We sat socially distanced, of course.  Hugs didn't happen.  We …

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waiting

The week before Mother's Day, I wrote a few words on Facebook and posted several pictures of my mom.  I planned to write an appropriate blog post on that Sunday, to share some special things about her.  I wanted to wrap up this segment of life and move on. I couldn't do it. And that's …

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consistency

In early 2015, my son, David, had to return to Iraq with his unit in support of Kurdish troops.  Since he'd started the retirement paperwork process, I thought that exempted him.  It didn't.  He went. With the exception of combat deployments, David called Doug and I every Sunday evening for all 21 years he served.  …

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the perspective of time

Just as Doug and I were adjusting to freedom and the ability to come and go as we pleased after Mom died, the corona virus shut us down.  Plans we are making for our future look a little fuzzy today.  They're still out there, we just can't define the how and when. My daily routine …

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preparing for what you don’t know…

About a decade ago I packed this duffel bag.  My 72-hour kit.  I was attending a CERT (Community Emergency Response Team) class, and had to bring it in on the last day.  It was so big, so heavy that I dragged it in.  Just as I tend to over think things, I typically over prepare.  …

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i thought you’d be here in the morning

~~my journal 2/18/2020 - "death is so sudden, even tho we were waiting.  I wish I'd taken time last night - - but no, I just wanted to finish washing dishes and mom is always so needy.  I'm glad I checked on her.  She said she felt strange and should we worry about it.  I …

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6 hours

We leave moments after the caregiver arrives.  Friday.  11 a.m.   I feel relieved to go and guilty at the same time. He takes the long way around to the coast.  We drive for two hours through beauty that should be enjoyed and photographed, but I keep nodding off.  No pictures.  No conversation. I am tired …

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stop running

A few months back, searching for an old Halloween photo, I found this picture.  We had moved to a new home, in a new subdivision, several miles south of San Francisco.  I know this to be true because my dad's beloved and well maintained lawn, flower garden, fence and side yard fish pond didn't exist …

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