Nope. He didn’t make me eat that half bag of chocolate candy last night. I did it all on my own.
I did it knowing sugar gives me a headache. Knowing I would wake up feeling heavy and lethargic. Knowing I was breaking my own promise.
And I didn’t even care.
All that blue sky, green sprouting and pink budding got me feeling hopeful. I decided to start walking again. I would eat right again. I would get cracking on those projects I’ve ignored all winter.
And then… just a few hours later… I was eating chocolate. Again.
I know the enemy of my soul loves it when I fall flat on my face. But he didn’t make me do it.
I made the choice.
And while I may feel a certain amount self reproach is needed as punishment, it’s not particularly helpful.
We prune to make the trees and plants healthier. So they’ll bloom more. Bear more. They don’t have a say in the matter. They’re just plants.
We choose when to prune them.
And I choose to let God prune me.
I love how Jesus talks in the 15th chapter of John about being the true vine, how he describes his father as the farmer who does the pruning. And how I am a branch that needs to stay attached to the vine. So I can be pruned. So I bear good fruit.
Attached to him. Temporary, hurtful pruning. I choose it all.
Because then, when I do a goofball thing, like eat a half a bag of chocolate candy and finally come to my senses… I remember I am attached to something greater.
And the times I hide from what I know I should do,.. even the times I do that hard thing he asks of me… and suffer for it anyway, I remember.
I am attached to the vine.
His careful, gracious pruning keeps me growing. It brings me closer to the goal of being who he created me to be.
I get to choose that.