The Big Change

On By Brooke McGillivrayIn Caregiving, Change

My life has changed a lot.  Suddenly.  Although it wasn’t a surprise.  I knew it was coming.  I boastfully said, “I can do this”.

I retired from my job a week and a half ago…. traveled for an anniversary celebration with my parents…. then hit the road back home.  But “Home” is a vague place.

The old one is a mess, only half empty.  It will sit vacant until repairs are done and ready to rent.  Family photos and artwork that graced it’s walls are packed and stored.  I miss them.

The place we have gone to is not ours – we are simply caretakers of the one who lives inside.  And she most definitely fills that space.

I feel loss.  I am disoriented.  I miss the pots and pans and dishes so familiar to me.

Will I be able to make a proper meat loaf without the tools my hands are comfortable with?

Did my sense of peace and calm get packed in a box too?  Or will it find me where I am?

Do I still get to be me?  Or maybe a better me…. a God refined me.  I would like that.

This morning the husband left for two weeks of work related travel.

It is just she and me.  For two weeks.

No – that’s wrong.  It is God, she and me.  I’ll be counting on Him more than ever.  A good thing.  Yes.

And I will make meatloaf for Sunday dinner.  I know the recipe.  The tools shouldn’t matter.

7 thoughts on “The Big Change”

  2. “Home” is a vague place, constantly under revision it seems. First, you set up home as a couple. Then toss in a few (or more) kids. Then add friends, fellowship, and a few animals. Then, kids grow up and filter off to their own homes. As you are doing, add back to the mix a parent. Or, all at the same time…I see so many decorating blogs, and I love to read them, but really, they are about the stuff of life, not the “meat”. Maybe you should write a post on the meatloaf of life?! Does this make any sense? Hang in there, girl, things will sort themselves out. Trust. Keep writing – it helps a lot with the sort out process.

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    1. Great idea, Maureen! I love the meatloaf of life idea 🙂 You described “home” beautifully. Thanks for your encouragement. It sure has been an ebb and flow of emotion and all sorts of things. I will hang in there 🙂

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  3. Karen

    Well sounds like you are in the Caretaker Saddle. I like the recognition that you are in the company of three. He will keep you sane. Blessings on your new adventure.

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